I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
