Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
