The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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