he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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