i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
