You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
