glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
