So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
