How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
