I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
