sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
did i walk over a car last night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
