They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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