Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
