so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
