tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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