I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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