sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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