I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
