Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
