That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
