There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
