It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did i walk over a car last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
