So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
