My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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