hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
