My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would fuck him just for his dog
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