no, he came in my armpit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
