mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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