3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
