The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
