I just cut my nipple shaving
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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