Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
