I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
