Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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