i permit you to call me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
