So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
