Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
