Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
