This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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