i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
