I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's the barista slut.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
