I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
40s are totally the cure
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
