Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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