I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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