You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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