so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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