last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
