Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
