I think I am morally bankrupt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
