I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
