Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
