Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
