So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im six kinds of drunk right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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