I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am one with the molecules
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
