last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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