I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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