i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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