He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
