There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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