just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We need to get me chipped asap
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
