I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
