Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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