Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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