I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
