Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
