i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
