Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
